You Get on My Nerves

People tend to believe that their own understanding of things is correct. That we see the world exactly as it really is. Unfortunately, that is impossible. We see only what our attention is directed towards — and that is a tiny part of everything. Otherwise, our heads would simply “explode” from all the information and our brains would grind to a halt.

Imagine a photograph of a person against a mountain backdrop and look at it in your mind for a few seconds. We would all notice some of the same things: whether the person was in the photograph and which way they were looking. But what about the details? How many mountain peaks were visible? Could you see a wristwatch? Was the person’s head higher than the mountains? “Um, my attention was not on THOSE things...”

Exactly the same is true of the room you are in now. Look around for a few seconds. Now answer: which things had a bluish colour? You can probably name something, but look again — NOW you notice many more. Test number two: WITHOUT looking again, answer which things were round. Then look around. “My attention was not on those things before; it was on the blue ones...”

Of course, this is not limited to you. Gather all your friends and even as a group you would not notice every blue and round object unless your attention had been directed towards them. One person notices one thing, another sees something else. Later, you would describe the same room quite differently.

And of course, this is not only about our eyes. It applies to everything about how we understand the world. Some people notice kind and intelligent qualities in me; to others, I seem arrogant and foolish. You all see me a little differently, while I see myself in a third way. Yet nobody knows the final truth about me — yep, not even I do. That is precisely why I read so much about personal development: to learn a little more every year.

What looks beautiful to you may look ugly to someone else. What feels fair to you may feel wrong to another person. Sometimes it gets on our nerves when “stupid people” simply fail to understand how things are. In reality, we are the foolish ones if we believe others can see the world exactly as we do. Your attention is on the blue things; someone else sees the round ones.

It is completely okay to disagree with people, both in private life and at work. As a leader, I listen to the specialists’ views and add my own observations. If that does not change their understanding, I accept it calmly, because I know that none of us ever knows everything. An angry argument serves no purpose, and I do not take part in one. “Let’s agree to disagree!” 😉