39: Life in Slow Motion

Happy birthday, Tauri! And let us say it boldly too: 39! 🙂 I am giving myself a birthday present and writing down a few thoughts for a change — this time without trying to squeeze them into 2,000 characters. 😃 An overdose of Tauri. Here it comes. 😉

Am I in a good place in life right now? A sentence jumps into my mind: “Wake up determined, go to bed satisfied.” What matters enormously to me is WANTING to begin work, even on my birthday — wanting to, not being obliged to. Not the kind of work where someone merely “goes to work”, watches the clock and waits for the day to end. In general, a life spent waiting for minutes and hours to tick away gives me chills. Life is so precious! I do not want to lose a single minute. I want every day in slow motion instead. Here is an example. My sons always eat their sweets slowly, in tiny elf-sized bites. “Let’s savour it,” we say in our family. Not that they get sweets often — the six-year-old reads comics for an hour every day and earns one sweet. 😃 Anyway. They savour that sweet mega-slowly. I savour my day the same way: tiny bites from the day to admire and taste with my eyes closed — then putting most of the “sweet” aside while letting the flavour of the last piece linger. How can a day itself be taken in slow motion? My home and office may resemble a monastery: zero social media, zero news, no radio or television. Not for one day, but all the time — a way of life. And then everything really is in slow motion. PLEASANTLY slow. Of course, pleasant means different things to different people. 😃 Some want to race through the day, waiting for the evening, another day or another month. But there is a hidden danger. Something lovely may await tonight, an exciting event on Friday or a pleasant trip next month. Yet if we are used to racing through the day, we will do the same in the future. When that exciting evening, Friday or trip finally arrives, do we suddenly become different people, hit the brakes and slow down completely? Sadly, no. We hurry towards the next exciting thing. Whatever we have is never enough: “It is the nature of desire not to be satisfied.” Longing for scorching sunshine? Go, but you will not want to sweat there for four hours. Soon you will want a cold shower, which feels amazing at first — but not for four hours. Then perhaps a warm café latte, but we do not want four in a row. Whatever pleasure your body or mind imagines right now, once you have it, you already want the next one. That is what rushing through life means — stuffing five “sweets” into your mouth at once, washing them down with Coca-Cola and immediately adding five more.

Where was I... Yes, WANTING to come to work even on my birthday, while nobody even knows what I am doing here. Because another trap is doing something for other people. It is not enough to enjoy piano music — the world suggests learning to play and writing songs yourself. But no, once again that is not enough: now you are advised to publish them too. Of course that is still not enough: you need to become popular so everyone will applaud. Doing things for others becomes an endless road on which nothing is ever enough. In TRUTH, nobody has to applaud us. We do not have to publish anything. We need to listen to our inner voice: what do I MYSELF actually want?

That is a large subject in itself: what do we want from life at all? The catch is that we are not conscious of every reason WHY we want the things we want. Does someone want a beautiful car for themselves, or do they really want to show it to their friends? Do they want success for its own sake, or do they need to prove something to others? Because none of us fully understands why we want something, perhaps we should ask a different question: what makes us happy? And about anything we think we want in our life, we could ask: will this make life lighter or heavier? It is worth wishing for the things that bring a sense of lightness. Do the things that make your heart happy, regardless of what others think or where they lead. If we want more contentment in our future, we must cultivate that feeling in the PRESENT moment. Our future contentment does not depend on future circumstances — a new car or anything else — but on our future ability to bring contentment into that moment. Our happiness is always hidden inside us, not in the future. It needs watering and care. Now.

Back to the beginning. Tauri, has the past year been good? Some people would certainly measure it materially or in pleasures such as travel. For me, the greatest measure is unquestionably this: how much have I grown? Have I moved towards becoming the best version of myself? How much has my ability to be truly present for my family increased? How many professional skills have I gained in the fields that interest me intensely? And I do not mean passive research, but wildly active curiosity. It’s the best kind. Exactly a year ago, I discovered listening to audiobooks at a faster speed. I had always believed that listening at 2.0 speed might cause things to be lost, but now I can confirm the opposite: it holds my attention much better because my mind does not wander. Mathematically, you might expect me to have listened to twice as many books over the past year. But no — four or five times as many, because the new pace released the water from behind the dam. If anyone wonders what I do without radio, television, news and social media, the answer is books. Wild amounts of books by people who have already gained wisdom through practice on this planet and later written it down in carefully polished sentences. I do not need a large social circle or constant social noise around me, but I think it is wonderful to listen to the thoughts of an intelligent author every evening. Have I become the best version of myself during the past year? Definitely. I am also hugely grateful that my wife became curious about “consuming” good books at the same pace. Reflecting on what we have read, we begin every day with a long conversation about philosophy and a better life. I am living my dream.

Right, now I would like to get to work — the need to write has been satisfied. 😉 Will anyone read this? It does not matter. Will anyone applaud it? It does not matter. My like notifications are switched off anyway. 😉