What You Want vs. What You Need

Films often follow this pattern: there is a protagonist. They want something, but they cannot get IT. The story unfolds and the protagonist grows. At the end, the chance to get the thing they wanted finally appears. But no — along the way they have realised that they should choose SOMETHING ELSE, the thing they ACTUALLY need.

We too are the protagonists of our own films. We live, experience and grow. We no longer want the things that seemed desirable five years ago quite as much — because we have found something even better, something that fits us better. We simply did not know about it five years ago.

And yet almost none of us thinks this way TODAY: what if the things we want RIGHT NOW are not the best things for us after all? What if the world has something EVEN better in store for us, if only we live, experience and grow a little more?

I love examples. Suppose you have fallen into a deep hole and are trying to dig yourself out with your fingers bleeding. You think how badly you WANT a shovel. But you simply do not know yet that what you ACTUALLY need is a ladder! Live, experience, and you will find out soon enough.

You fall into a hole and see a shovel in the corner — but you think how badly you WANT a ladder. Then everything would be perfect! But no — what you ACTUALLY need is to keep your eyes open while walking so you do not fall into the hole in the first place. You will learn that soon.

You fall into a hole, with a shovel and a ladder in the corner... But now you think how much you WANT to pay better attention to holes, so you can always take a wide path around them. Then life would be ideal! But of course not — what you ACTUALLY need is to find another road without such enormous holes.

And it does not end there. We keep discovering better things when we are willing to grow. We all progress at different speeds in different areas. In some, I am still digging with bleeding fingers; in others, I am whistling as I walk along smooth asphalt. The catch is that no “level” can be skipped. If someone is deep in a hole and asks for a shovel, there is no point replying: “Hey, I have a ladder here — shall I pass you that instead?” It makes even less sense to ask why the fool fell into the hole at all, or why they did not choose a road without holes. Let them live, experience and grow. Toss them the shovel, and while they dig, tell them an interesting story about how you discovered ladders for yourself. Give them plenty of interesting examples too! 😉